March 17, 2005
If you're doing a show about John Lennon, it has to include guitars. There are several of them on the set now, from the cheapest no-name type to the best from Gibson, Rickenbacker and Gretsch. All of us who play guitar, including the director, are loving it, and are always sneaking in a lick or two during breaks. On top of that, Terrence happens to be a terrific pianist, and with rehearsal over early and the drummer gone, I made a beeline for the Ludwig drumkit and jammed with him. I was feeling completely high on life, when suddenly Artie the stage manager (simply the sweetest man on earth) politely brought me back down.
"I'm only telling you this, Darin, 'cause this is your first Broadway show," he began. "I know you love playing and this is all fine here and now, but once we get in the theatre you won't be able to do any of these things. Union rules strictly forbid any actors touching any of the band gear, or any of the prop guitars, either."
Whoa.
He explained to me that once the show hits the theatre, it is tightly controlled by the unions - the musicians union, the prop handlers union, tech workers union, etc. In the case of LENNON, instruments are a very delicate matter. Y'see, we have a ten-piece band accompanying the actors, which falls two members short of the union's orchestra minimum. Therefore, no actor is allowed to play any instrument live, since technically that would rob a union musician of potential work (random percussion and noisemakers are the exception). The instruments are to be used by the actors as props only and they must be faked. Furthermore, the props can only be in the actors' hands while they're using them in a scene, either during performance or rehearsal, with a union prop handler present. If anyone breaks that rule, financial penalties could result.
Kinda takes the fun out of doing a rock-oriented stage show, doesn't it? But that's the way it works in the big leagues. Imagine our dismay when informed we couldn't play a note. Ever. Drums for me will be out of the question, too, so I'll have to work up a plan B if I wanna stay sane for the next few months.
But all is not lost. Marcy, Mandy and Julia all play The Beatles for a scene, and all want to at least look like they know what they're doing with those props in their hands. So I've become the designated guitar-faking coach.
They'll be the best damn fakers in New York if I can help it!